woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
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