It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
