just come out here and I will go home with you...
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Randomize
