Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
