i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
