remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
