Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
