yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
