she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
