i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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