It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
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