so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
