I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
vagina is talking i cant
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
