You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
