Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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