Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
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