Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
17 year olds will be the death of me.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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