no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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