I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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