I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
