remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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