We're facebook friends in real life
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
