im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
