Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
