i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
