One girl and one boy is just not enough.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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