He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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