I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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