Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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