im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
