Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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