I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
