Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
