Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
