don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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