Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
