You made me cry and you don't even care
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
