508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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