Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
