What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
