There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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