So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
