so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
