You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
