You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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