we have officially mastered the walk of shame
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
