I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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