Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
