ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
