I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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