I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
