we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm bleeding and have questions
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
