Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
you traded sex for a burrito?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
